Create in me a clean heart...

Last summer after the LP I prayed consistently that God would give me a heart for Western and not just girls on the softball team, I wanted my heart to break for people that didnt know Jesus. It didnt take long for God to answer that prayer and throughout the year he continued to grow my heart for the girls on Western's campus. Since I will be at Clemson volunteering with CO this year I've started praying that the Lord will give me a heart for Clemson. Right now my heart is still so wrapped around Western that I'm having a hard time thinking for Clemson. The more I've prayed for God to change my heart for Clemson the more I've realized that there are so many other things in my heart that need to change...

This summer I got to live with 3 amazing girls, just by living life with them they taught me so much! Throughout the summer I became more and more disgusted with how selfish I am. I was able to see it more clearly because I watched my roommates display Godly qualities that were so humbling for me to witness. I watched them think for people, confess hard things and desire to know more of God everyday. These girls showed me what it means to live in community and I'm extremely grateful for their willingness to really live life with me and show me what it looks like to fight to know the Lord.

God has continued to reveal my selfishness even after the LP and some of the things I've seen have repulsed me. Even though I'm glad that God has aloud me to see these things, it really sucks to see these things too. I hate that I've been treating people so badly and I hate it even more that I don't realize I've treated someone badly until hours or days after I do! Psalm 51 has been a passage that I have clung to lately, I've gotten a better understanding of where David is coming from when he wrote this psalm. Right now I'm praying that God would continue to show me more of how selfish I am and that would cause me to worship the Lord...if you all could be praying that too that would be awesome!

Psalm 51:
1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts [a] ;
you teach [b] me wisdom in the inmost place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 The sacrifices of God are [c] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
18 In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.