Brianne would have turned 28 earlier today but she overdosed a little over two years ago. Brianne was my older cousin that I used to spend every day with when we were younger but as we got older we grew apart. When I was a freshman at Western I did something to hurt her and we never spoke again. When I became a Christian I tried to apologize a few times but I never received a response back from her, honestly, I thought that after some time she would get over it and we would be friends again...I was mistaken.
Brianne and I hadn't been close for years so I wasn't overcome with grief when I got the news that she had passed away, until I thought about the fact that she wasn't a Christian. My heart broke and it was a horrible feeling knowing that she never got to know Christ. I had been a Christian for two years and I never thought about sharing the gospel with her, I had never tried to share with anyone in my family. I've done some really really stupid things but not sharing Christ with my cousin still feels like the dumbest.
Earlier I thought about her mom and how she was probably heart broken today, and how she spent today alone because everyone forgot. We were all too busy being selfish to call her or visit her and she had to spend today alone. Her family forgot because we were too consumed with ourselves. I'm so embarrassed and ashamed with how selfish and sick my heart is right now.
"God, I'm so sorry that I don't see other people like you do. I don't look at them as being amazing creations, most of the time I just think about what they can do for me. My heart is beyond wicked. Please give me the courage and faith to share the gospel...not the watered down, americanized version, but the beautifully offensive gospel! I don't want to pass up opportunities to talk about you because I'm too focused on myself...I'm nothing but dust. I pray that I would think of my life as worthless if im not sharing the gospel! You have given me the chance to bring life to a dead world...please, God, don't let me waste my time worrying about worthless things like myself! I pray for Keri and her heart, Lord please give her some comfort because I know today had to be incredibly hard for her. Most of all I pray that she will become a Christian and that she will know true comfort and a peace that only you can give!"
"This is the God of the gospel of grace. A God who, out of love for us, sent the only Son he ever had wrapped in our skin. He learned how to walk, stumbled and fell, cried for His milk, sweated blood in the night, was lashed with a whip and showered with spit, was fixed to a cross, and died whispering forgiveness on us all." -Brennen Manning
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