Because you're Worthy: January 2012

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Hidden Idols

Last night I was journaling and the Lord revealed sin to me that I was completely unaware of. It felt like a midget punched me right in the stomach. I'm not entirely sure how it happened but God showed me that I have an incredible desire to be important and have a status. From about the age of 10 until I graduated college I've always been known by a lot of people (I don't mean for this to come off arrogant but it's true). Growing up I played a bunch of different sports and I also sang, because of this I ended up making a name for myself where ever I went. In college it was the same story, I played softball and sang. When I became a Christian I thought that I had dealt with this but I just realized I didn't even come close.
When I started my 5th year at Western I thought I would have a hard time not playing softball for a couple reasons; one, because I loved the game; two, because I loved my teammates; and three, because my title as "college athlete" would be taken away. Since I didn't struggle with the third one at all I assumed that the only title/status I cared about was being a child of God but what I didn't realize is that I had tons of other titles that taken the place of being a college athlete. I was still around the same people and I was still at Western where I could hear people talk about my "glory days" as an athlete. I was involved with a college ministry and had the title of "Worship leader". I lived in a house that tons of girls would flock to because I was known as "fun" and I led a bible study so I was looked at as a "leader". These and other titles defined me. I was still well known and I knew a lot of people, life was good. Life was easy.
When I moved to Anderson I knew one person who lived here and that was my roommate, and I knew her because we moved here together. So weeks went by before I started making friends but my heart still longed for Western. I didn't know it at the time but my heart longed for status and comfort...two hindrances of advancing the Kingdom. Since I've been here nothing has really taken off for me. I've been giving softball instruction for a little over a year now and I give about 3 to 4 lessons a week, I have recently started to make friends but most are not deep friendships and even though I have the desire to sing nothing has really happened music wise. I remember thinking "If I was better established here" or "If people knew me at Western" then things would be different, but I honestly believe that for an entire year God has been trying to get my attention. I believe he has been patiently trying to show me just how much having a status or title had my heart. God knew that I wanted to glorify myself and not him, so for a year and a half, God, by his grace, kept me from having a title or status of any kind.
When God gets glory, we get joy...so if you're not experiencing joy I would search your heart to see if there are places that you are trying to take his glory.

So Lord, I confess that I want people to think I'm important, I confess that I've felt really worthless without a status and I confess that I would have tried to take all of your glory for myself. I choose to give those desires to you and I ask that you redeem them! I want you to get all the glory because you are the only one worthy of it! I can't sit under the weight of your glory, I wasn't made for it. I know that when you get glory, I get joy and that's an awesome trade off! I ask that you continue to change my heart and my desires so that it's driven by you and your love. Dad, I pray that I would have a heart like Jesus, that my light would shine bright so that people would see my good deeds and glorify YOU in Heaven. Thank you for gently taking things away from me so that I can see you better. Thank you for being a good dad that loves his kids and wants the best for them. Thank you for being so patient with me, you are so good!!!

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Unlearning a couple things...

So I'm going to start off by saying that this post might make some people mad and that's fine but before you get upset and comment on my blog I just ask that you would pray and ask God to reveal why your upset.
Ok, awesome. Now I can move on. So last night I went to listen to a missionary speak in Greenville and his talk blew me away! He was speaking on my generation and how God has given us the desire and ability to start a World wide revolution for the Lord. I absolutely love this man's heart and his humility! As he was talking about the gospel and how it's the cure for everything he talked about how many of us had probably been told that when Jesus was on the cross God turned his face away from him. Since most of us agreed, there were a lot of people taken back when he said that wasn't true. Immediately, you could see all the 'bible scholars' flip to the gospels to prove him wrong, and obviously they were looking for the verse when Jesus cried out "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me". After a moment the speaker turned to Psalm 22 and read verses one through twenty-four.
I'm sure most people reading this blog will know this but Psalm 22 is about Jesus being crucified on the cross. It actually starts off with "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?", this had some people confused but listening intently. When he got to verse 24 you could feel the tension in the room loosen up a bit...Psalm 22:24 says (emphasis mine):
"For he has not despised or scorned
the suffering of the afflicted one;
he has not hidden his face from him
but has listened to his cry for help."
God did have to break his perfect relationship with Jesus because God can't be where sin is but God never turned his face away, he saw Jesus, heard his cry and since God is love, I'm guessing it broke his heart to see his son in agony. Yes, God hates sin but God loves us! He wouldn't have sent Jesus to die for us if he didn't! God does hate but He IS love and even though it's difficult for us to make that distinction, it's not difficult for Him.
I wrote all of that to say this: Read your Bible! Don't just believe what someone says because they are older; read, study, meditate, pray and discuss the Word with other believers who will challenge you to think! This hit me real hard when I remembered leading a worship song, so many times, that had the words "the Father turned His face away" and I lost my breath for a second. I had been leading people in singing a lie about God, I'm not ok with that. I repented and because God loves me a whole stinking lot he poured out grace on me.
I wanted to write this post to challenge you to know what you sing before you sing it and understand what's truth before you repeat something someone says.

READ YOUR BIBLE, God wants to teach you a lot of really awesome things about himself!