Hidden Idols

Last night I was journaling and the Lord revealed sin to me that I was completely unaware of. It felt like a midget punched me right in the stomach. I'm not entirely sure how it happened but God showed me that I have an incredible desire to be important and have a status. From about the age of 10 until I graduated college I've always been known by a lot of people (I don't mean for this to come off arrogant but it's true). Growing up I played a bunch of different sports and I also sang, because of this I ended up making a name for myself where ever I went. In college it was the same story, I played softball and sang. When I became a Christian I thought that I had dealt with this but I just realized I didn't even come close.
When I started my 5th year at Western I thought I would have a hard time not playing softball for a couple reasons; one, because I loved the game; two, because I loved my teammates; and three, because my title as "college athlete" would be taken away. Since I didn't struggle with the third one at all I assumed that the only title/status I cared about was being a child of God but what I didn't realize is that I had tons of other titles that taken the place of being a college athlete. I was still around the same people and I was still at Western where I could hear people talk about my "glory days" as an athlete. I was involved with a college ministry and had the title of "Worship leader". I lived in a house that tons of girls would flock to because I was known as "fun" and I led a bible study so I was looked at as a "leader". These and other titles defined me. I was still well known and I knew a lot of people, life was good. Life was easy.
When I moved to Anderson I knew one person who lived here and that was my roommate, and I knew her because we moved here together. So weeks went by before I started making friends but my heart still longed for Western. I didn't know it at the time but my heart longed for status and comfort...two hindrances of advancing the Kingdom. Since I've been here nothing has really taken off for me. I've been giving softball instruction for a little over a year now and I give about 3 to 4 lessons a week, I have recently started to make friends but most are not deep friendships and even though I have the desire to sing nothing has really happened music wise. I remember thinking "If I was better established here" or "If people knew me at Western" then things would be different, but I honestly believe that for an entire year God has been trying to get my attention. I believe he has been patiently trying to show me just how much having a status or title had my heart. God knew that I wanted to glorify myself and not him, so for a year and a half, God, by his grace, kept me from having a title or status of any kind.
When God gets glory, we get joy...so if you're not experiencing joy I would search your heart to see if there are places that you are trying to take his glory.

So Lord, I confess that I want people to think I'm important, I confess that I've felt really worthless without a status and I confess that I would have tried to take all of your glory for myself. I choose to give those desires to you and I ask that you redeem them! I want you to get all the glory because you are the only one worthy of it! I can't sit under the weight of your glory, I wasn't made for it. I know that when you get glory, I get joy and that's an awesome trade off! I ask that you continue to change my heart and my desires so that it's driven by you and your love. Dad, I pray that I would have a heart like Jesus, that my light would shine bright so that people would see my good deeds and glorify YOU in Heaven. Thank you for gently taking things away from me so that I can see you better. Thank you for being a good dad that loves his kids and wants the best for them. Thank you for being so patient with me, you are so good!!!