I'm a coward and I find myself trying desperately to disprove this. But the more mind-twisting manipulations that remain dedicated to my idol of self simply show that I'm more of a coward than I allow myself to even realize. I'm terrified of the day that I see just how scared I really am because when that day comes i'll wonder if any of my motives or desires have ever been for anyone other than myself...
If that day ever comes, I will either really understand grace or realize that I don't really get it at all...but I think the really bad part is that I'm not sure what my response would be to either scenario.
I kind-of wish that I had never thought this, it hurts my pride too much.
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