Martyrs and Thieves

There's a place in the darkness that I used to cling to
It presses harsh hope against time
In the absence of martyrs there's a presence of thieves
Who only want to rob you blind
They steal away any sense of peace
Though I'm a king I'm a king on my knees
And I know they are wrong when they say I am strong
As the darkness covers me

Chorus-

So turn on the light and reveal all the glory
I am not afraid
To bare all my weakness knowing in meekness
I have a kingdom to gain
Where there is peace and love in the light, in the light
Oh I am not afraid
To let Your light shine bright in my life, in my life
Oh I am not afraid.

There are ghosts from my past who've owned more of my soul
Than I thought I had given away
They linger in closets and under my bed
And in pictures less proudly displayed
A great fool in my life I have been
Have squandered till pallid and thin
Hung my head in shame and refused to take blame
For the darkness I know I've let win

(Chorus)

Can you hear me? (repeat 6x)

Well I've never been much for the baring of soul
In the presence of any man
I'd rather keep to myself all safe and secure
In the arms of a sinner I am
Could it be that my worth should depend
By the crimson stained grace on a hand
And like a lamp on a hill Lord I pray in Your will
To reveal all of You that I can

(Chorus)

There's a place in the darkness that I used to cling to
It presses harsh hope against time...

Loving some 90's right now

Some songs I've been listening to lately:

"Everything you Want"-Vertical Horizon
"The Freshman"-The Verve Pipe
"All I Want"- Toad the Wet Sprocket
"Runaway Train"- Soul Asylum
"If You Could Only See"- Tonic
"Lullaby"-Shawn Mullins
"Lightning Crashes"-Live
"Heres Where the Story Ends"-The Sundays
"Inside Out"- Eve 6
"Superman"- Five for Fighting
"Live Forever"-Oasis
"Wonderwall"-Oasis
"Iris"- Goo Goo Dolls

Let the bones you broke rejoice

"Let the bones you broke rejoice".
These words have never been more real to me then they have been the last few months but I confess that as God has been tearing me apart I've been doing everything but rejoicing. I see that I want to follow Christ but I want to follow him my way. I don't want to give up things that I really love (comfort, friends, status, reputation to name a few). I get myself mixed up with God because I really do think I know more and can make better decisions; even with my decision making hitting an all time low I still think that! Stupid, yes. Arrogant, definitely. Prideful, exactly.
My God is all-knowing, all-loving, almighty, merciful, Holy, wrathful and jealous to name a few qualities. The last two don't get talked about much because most people don't like those terms. God is all-loving, not all-tolerant...don't get it twisted. I'm starting to be so thankful for a God who will literally do ANYTHING to make me more like him, even if that means breaking every single part of me. I can't believe that he loves me and wants me that much...it blows my mind. I've been complaining when I should be rejoicing! This whole time God is making it so clear that he loves me but I've been blinded by selfishness.
Lord, you spend so much time on me, you provide for me and teach me and love me but I'm rarely truely thankful for it. I pray that you will keep getting me out of the way and I pray that you will keep breaking me down because I'm hopeless without you. I need you, and I want to live everyday knowing that I'm in desperate need of you! I'm so thankful that you are a jealous God and that you have promised to finish the work that you have started within me!

This kid is awesome!!!

Loving this right now!

This song does a great job describing how I've been feeling. Amazing song!!!


'The Freshman'


When I was young I knew everything
She a punk who rarely ever took advice
Now I'm guilt stricken,
Sobbing with my head on the floor
Stop a baby's breath and a shoe full of rice

I can't be held responsible
She was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

My best friend took a week's
Vacation to forget her
His girl took a weeks's worth of
Valium and slept
And now he's guilt stricken sobbing with his
Head on the floor
Thinks about her now and how he never really
Wept he says..

I can't be held responsible
She was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

hey yeah 
hey yeah
hey yeah 

We've tried to wash our hands of all this
We never talk of our lacking relationships
And how we're guilt stricken sobbing with our
Heads on the floor
We fell through the ice when we tried not to
Slip, we'd say

I can't be held responsible
She was touching her face
And I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
We were merely freshmen

You're more

I tried to talk to you today, just as I did a few weeks before that and the week prior to that...nothing. I've not seen you in months and I feel like I don't know you at all anymore, you're different and so am I. But there are a couple things I would really like to tell you:
I'm so sorry! I was so upset that you had to leave and when you left it was like a part of me left too. I thought if I could forget about you then it would stop my heart from hurting so much. I thought I could forget about how much I missed you but two years later and I think I still miss you just as much. I didn't love you the way I should have because I cared more about how I felt then I did about how you felt. I'm so selfish and I don't know how to be a good friend but by God's grace he's teaching me. I pray that one day things will be different and I will get the chance to love you like I should have. My heart is so burdened for you, the more I pray for you the more burdened my heart becomes but I can't seem to stop...I wont. My friend, you are so much more than what you see...you're meant to change the world. I'm praying that you would believe that. I love you so very much and I always will!

1 Peter 4:1-4,
Me

Trains keep me up at night.

If all I have

Is all you have

Its over before it begins

If all I am

Is all we are

Im sure that we’ll never win

If everything

that I can see

is no more than my sight

then theres no use

in wondering

why Im so scared tonight

Oh…where are you now

Oh…the whispers drowning out

Oh…am I more than what I’ve found?

Because my instinct says to take you down.

It's cool if this doesn't make complete sense to everyone.

I have had a lot of time to think today...about where I'm at mentally and spiritually. I have days that suck so bad, I become bitter and jealous and angry. Then I have days where I'm extremely sad, sad at what I let control me, sad at the fact that I still haven't really gotten the chance to be reconciled with a lot of people but most of all sad that I still care so much about what some people think, I shouldn't care. For the past five months I've been more honest then I ever imagined I would be and it has cost me a lot. But today I got to think about everything I've gained and it is still blowing me away! I now know how crappy it feels to have someone I love lie about me and to me and I see what I put so many people through...the words "I'm sorry" will never fully express how I really feel. I don't want to lie anymore...not to other people and not to myself! I see what honesty does to my relationship with Jesus and I absolutely love it!
Living in an area where I don't know anyone and I'm only working a couple hours a night has forced me to spend a lot of time with Jesus...this is something I am SO thankful for! I've laughed, cried, been in despair, been in awe, been mad and angry with him and he hasn't left, anyone else would have but he hasn't...he promises that he wont. I have such a small understanding of this but I'm astounded by it, he shouldn't still be here! It was like I strapped on some tennis shoes and did my best to run away for him and once I was too tired to run I just burried my face because I was too ashamed for him to see it. Instead of wanting grace I wanted to be punished. This is such a simple concept but I'm really learning it now...I'm never going to be punished because Jesus already was. Jesus knows how wicked my heart is, he knew that I would do really stupid stuff but he keeps finding ways to make all things work together for my good. Why? Because he IS good.

Lord, get me out of the way, whatever it takes. I need you to increase and me to decrease! Thank you for being good, the really great thing is that you have always been good and you will continue to always be good. Jesus, you astound me! Thanks for waiting on me and not saying "I told you so". You would have been totally justified in saying that but instead you kept telling me about your love...specifically, your love for really wretched people. Thanks you!

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When we are tempted...it's our own fault...

"The great commission says make disciples of all nations.
Have we even made them in our own nation?"-Lecrae

Christmas 2010 Opener from NewSpring Media on Vimeo.

Some Lessons Learned in 2010

1. Scandals are not as fun as they seem
2. I can be a selfish ass during the moments when I should be compassionate.
3. White v-necks are the most comfortable shirts EVER!
4. I don't know as much as I think I do.
5. I want to know life from a bigger perspective than my own.
6. Crying is ok.
7. Loving people is hard.
8. I really love seeing people grow.
9. Cat Arrowood is a freaking awesome woman!
10. I would love to sing as my job.
11. Grace is so hard to understand.
12. Playing the guitar makes my heart happy.
13. God reaches us through humility or humiliation.

Another Try. Another Lie.

I BET THIS WONT WORK OUT THE WAY YOU THINK IT WILL...
...
...
...
SERIOUSLY.