Contentment

Lately I've been praying for contentment. I'm not content where I'm at, I don't want to work as a part-time retail sales associate...that doesn't really qualify as "living the dream" for me. I feel like I'm just wasting my life right now but I don't know how to fix it. Every "door" I think the Lord is opening for me gets slammed in my face so I just feel stuck. I know that I should be content where I'm at and I know that the Lord is probably trying to teach me something but I'm really tired of this shitty season. I need prayer and for God to do work on my heart or I'm going to go crazy here. I want to fight to be more like Christ but I don't feel like I have any fight left right now. Thanks for not judging my honesty.

Music is intoxicating

I LOVE Elenowen's song "The Storm"...I've listened to it over and over again!!! It's so freaking good...you should listen to it, seriously!

"Father"

"To bring this world to life
To heal this heart of mine
Your grace enough
Your grace enough

To mend this world in need
To break the chains in me
Your grace enough
Now this means love

The weight of all our sin upon His shoulders
That we should all be called
Your sons and daughters

Father
Let heaven and earth collide
In the endless wonder
Of Your love upon the cross
We will follow
And offer this life forever
To see Your love unfold

Adopted as Your own
Alive to make You known
Now this means love
This means love

For the lost and for the broken
For the slave and for the orphan
For everyone to realize Your love

From the famous to the faceless
From the beggar to the king
For everyone to realize Your love

You restore the broken hearted
You bring freedom to the captive
For one and all
Forever this means love

All Your children come together
All Your sons and all Your daughters
Your grace enough
Forever this means love
Singing

Your grace enough
Forever this means love
You gave it all
For one and all
Your grace enough
Forever this means love"
----------------------------

Lord, I need your gospel every day to rip apart the one I try to make for myself!

Godly men

So I've been co-leading a small group of high school girls. Tonight I took two of the girls to eat at a fast food place and while we were there two guys said horrible things to my girls. I didn't hear them at first but once I did I asked them to stop after we argued for a min they finally quit. It's been a long time since I've been that mad but I can't seem to calm down because these girls are around guys that don't care about them every single day and I hate it that those guys just made them think it was ok for that to happen! Also, there were at least 4 other guys around that heard the whole thing and none of them did anything about it! I had forgotten how much I appreciate Godly men until tonight. We need more Godly men so it makes me really excited to know that there are Godly men teaching and showing other guys how to love people like Christ!

If you are a man and you love Jesus, Thank You and you are more appreciated than you know!

Songs I find myself listening to a lot lately.

"Jumper"- Third Eye Blind
"Day Old Hate"-City and Colour
"All We Are"- Matt Nathanson
"Upside Down" Peter Bradley Adams
"Price Tag"-Jessie J
"Everything'll Be Alright"- Joshua Radin
"Monster"- Paramore

"Price Tag"

Seems like everybody's got a price,
I wonder how they sleep at night.
When the sale comes first,
And the truth comes second,
Just stop, for a minute and
Smile

Why is everybody so serious
Acting so damn mysterious
Got your shades on your eyes
And your heels so high
That you can't even have a good time

Everybody look to their left (yeah)
Everybody look to their right (ha)
Can you feel that (yeah)
We're paying with love tonight
It's not about the money, money, money
We don't need your money, money, money
We just wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag
Ain't about the (uh) Cha-Chang Cha-Chang.
Aint about the (yeah) Ba-Blang Ba-Blang
Wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag.

Okay!
We need to take it back in time,
When music made us all unite
And it wasn't low blows and video hoes,
Am I the only one getting tired
Why is everybody so obsessed
Money can't buy us happiness
Can we all slow down and enjoy right now
Guarantee we'll be feeling Alright.

Everybody look to their left (yeah)
Everybody look to their right (ha)
Can you feel that (yeah)
We're paying with love tonight
It's not about the money, money, money
We don't need your money, money, money
We just wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag
Ain't about the (uh) Cha-Chang Cha-Chang.

Aint about the (yeah) Ba-Blang Ba-Blang
Wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag.

[B.o.B]
Yeah yeah
Well, keep the price tag
And take the cash back
Just give me six strings and a half stACK.
And you can keep the cars
Leave me the garage
And all I..
Yes all I need are keys and guitars
And its with in 30 seconds I'm leaving to Mars
Yeah we leaping across these undefeatable odds
Its like this man, you can't put a price on the life
We do this for the love so we fight and sacrifice everynight
So we aint gon stumble and fall never
Waiting to see this in the sign of defeat uh uh
So we gon keep everyone moving their feet
So bring back the beat and then everyone sing

It's not about the money, money, money
We don't need your money, money, money
We just wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag
Ain't about the (uh) Cha-Chang Cha-Chang.
Aint about the (yeah) Ba-Blang Ba-Blang
Wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag.

It's not about the money, money, money
We don't need your money, money, money
We just wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag
Ain't about the (uh) Cha-Chang Cha-Chang.
Aint about the (yeah) Ba-Blang Ba-Blang
Wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag.

[Jessie J -Outro]
Yeah, yeah
Oo-oooh
Forget about the price tag.

For You I Will Confidence

"Wondering the streets, in a world underneath it all
Nothing seems to be,
nothing tastes as sweet
As what I can't have
Like you and the way that you're twisting your hair
round your finger
Tonight I'm not afraid to tell you
What I feel about you.

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
and cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will

Forgive me if I stutter
From all of the clutter in my head
Cuz I could fall asleep in those eyes
Like a water bed
Do I seem familiar, i've crossed you in hallways
a thousand times, no more camouflage
I want to be exposed, and not be afraid to fall.

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
And cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
You always want what you can't have
But I've got to try
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will
For you I will
For you

If I could dim the lights in the mall
And create a mood I would
Shout out your name so it echos in every room
I would

That's what I'd do, That's what I'd do to get through to you

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
And cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
You always want what you can't have
But I've got to try
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will
For you I will
For you I will

I don't know

I've really missed my old friends lately. It may sound stupid or cheesy but I really do. I'm really trying to figure out what the Lord is teaching me through all this but sometimes it's hard, really hard. Lately I've felt forgotten, maybe it's selfish, it probably is, but that's how I feel and it sucks. I know I messed up...I don't want to shift blame or get any type of sympathy but how do I make things right? That's what I keep asking...and I think God might be showing me that I can't.