Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Music
Some songs i've been obsessed with lately:
-"Dry Bones"-Gungor
-"Kingdom Come"- JJ Heller
-"The Longer I Run"- Peter Bradley Adams
-"Red Against Your Black"- JJ Heller
-"Someday"- JJ Heller
-"Dry Bones"-Gungor
-"Kingdom Come"- JJ Heller
-"The Longer I Run"- Peter Bradley Adams
-"Red Against Your Black"- JJ Heller
-"Someday"- JJ Heller
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
God's affection for you...
...is not based on you, not on how many verses you memorize or how much theology you know; it's based on Jesus!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Entitlement
Entitlement: The fact of having a right to something.
Lately when people feel entitled to something it really pisses me off. When someone feels entitled it means they're only thinking about themselves. Entitlement=Pride, and pride messed everything up in the first place. It bothers me so much because I see it in myself all the time. I feel entitled at work, around my friends, at church, with my family and most of all with God. I don't see His gifts as blessings because I feel like I have a right to those things. I overlook the amazing things He gives me daily...I ask God for more when I should be thanking Him. I have a hard time seeing God as good because most days I can't see past myself.
Lord, you are good! Remove anything that would keep me from seeing and hearing you. Thank you for being so patient with me and for proving to me that you love me everyday! You're a good Dad!
Lately when people feel entitled to something it really pisses me off. When someone feels entitled it means they're only thinking about themselves. Entitlement=Pride, and pride messed everything up in the first place. It bothers me so much because I see it in myself all the time. I feel entitled at work, around my friends, at church, with my family and most of all with God. I don't see His gifts as blessings because I feel like I have a right to those things. I overlook the amazing things He gives me daily...I ask God for more when I should be thanking Him. I have a hard time seeing God as good because most days I can't see past myself.
Lord, you are good! Remove anything that would keep me from seeing and hearing you. Thank you for being so patient with me and for proving to me that you love me everyday! You're a good Dad!
Monday, October 10, 2011
What I did instead of work today...
-Laughed at Failblog for most of the day
-G-chatted some friends
-Dominated tetris
-Stalked some people on facebook (not weird at all)
-autocorrectfail.com (If you don't this it's funny you have NO sense of humor!)
-Looked for cardigans online at Urban Outfitters
-Contemplated what a dance-off would look like betweeen me and every person that walked into the store. (I actually won quite a bit)
-Looked up laffy taffy jokes
-Drew a picture of a bear
-Thought up some pranks that will get me in big trouble
It's been a good day so far! :)
-G-chatted some friends
-Dominated tetris
-Stalked some people on facebook (not weird at all)
-autocorrectfail.com (If you don't this it's funny you have NO sense of humor!)
-Looked for cardigans online at Urban Outfitters
-Contemplated what a dance-off would look like betweeen me and every person that walked into the store. (I actually won quite a bit)
-Looked up laffy taffy jokes
-Drew a picture of a bear
-Thought up some pranks that will get me in big trouble
It's been a good day so far! :)
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Glorifying God
I recently had a conversation that went something like this:
Person 1: I'm not sure if what I'm being taught is right, the other day someone was telling me that if you're not trying to glorify God in everything you do then you're wrong.
Me: that doesn't sit right with my spirit (thinking: but I don't know what's wrong about it)
Person 1: yeah, I don't know.
Thankfully after a wicked-awesome sermon, talking with some people and praying for that person, that next morning the Lord revealed something really awesome to me.
Glorifying God is simply walking in who he created you to be.
By "trying" to glorify God you're striving, and striving to please God is working in disguise. We can't work to please God so "trying" to glorify God is not what He wants, he just wants us to walk in the identity he has given us. If we do that glorifying Him will pour out of us as the result.
Person 1: I'm not sure if what I'm being taught is right, the other day someone was telling me that if you're not trying to glorify God in everything you do then you're wrong.
Me: that doesn't sit right with my spirit (thinking: but I don't know what's wrong about it)
Person 1: yeah, I don't know.
Thankfully after a wicked-awesome sermon, talking with some people and praying for that person, that next morning the Lord revealed something really awesome to me.
Glorifying God is simply walking in who he created you to be.
By "trying" to glorify God you're striving, and striving to please God is working in disguise. We can't work to please God so "trying" to glorify God is not what He wants, he just wants us to walk in the identity he has given us. If we do that glorifying Him will pour out of us as the result.
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Thursday, October 6, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Discovery...
"When a believer has the discovery of the beauty of Christ, it satisfies his soul. A believer hath an appetite to it, a longing desire after a seeing the glory of Christ, as a man hath after bodily food."-Johnathan Edwards
The magnitude of this statement blows my mind. Right now I don't really understand this but this really is the desire of my heart, to be completely and wholly satisfied in Christ.
The magnitude of this statement blows my mind. Right now I don't really understand this but this really is the desire of my heart, to be completely and wholly satisfied in Christ.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
It's a C.S. Lewis kind of day
“Of course God knew what would happen if they used their freedom the wrong way: apparently He thought it worth the risk. Perhaps we are inclined to disagree with Him. But there is a difficulty about disagreeing with God. He is the source from which all your reasoning power comes: you could not be right and He wrong any more than a stream can rise higher than its own source. When you are arguing against Him you are arguing against the very power that makes you able to argue at all: it is like cutting off the branch you are sitting on.”
"Now God designed the human machine to run on Himself. He Himself is the fuel our spirits were designed to feed on. There is not other. That is why it is just no good asking God to make us happy in our own way without bothering about religion. God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.”
“That is why the Christian is in a different position from other people who are trying to be good. They hope, by being good, to please God if there is one; or- if they think there is not- at least they hope to deserve approval from good men. But the Christian thinks any good he does comes from the Christ-life inside him. He does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us; just as the roof of a greenhouse does not attract the sun because it is bright, but becomes bright because the sun shines on it.”
“For Pride is spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense.”
“According to Christian teachers, the essential vice, the utmost evil, is Pride… it was through Pride that the devil became the devil: Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind.”
“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”
“He shows much more of Himself to some people than to others - not because He has favorites, but because it is impossible for Him to show Himself to a man whose whole mind and character are in the wrong condition. Just as sunlight, though it has no favorites, cannot be reflected in a dusty mirror as clearly as in a clean one.”
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
"Now God designed the human machine to run on Himself. He Himself is the fuel our spirits were designed to feed on. There is not other. That is why it is just no good asking God to make us happy in our own way without bothering about religion. God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.”
“That is why the Christian is in a different position from other people who are trying to be good. They hope, by being good, to please God if there is one; or- if they think there is not- at least they hope to deserve approval from good men. But the Christian thinks any good he does comes from the Christ-life inside him. He does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us; just as the roof of a greenhouse does not attract the sun because it is bright, but becomes bright because the sun shines on it.”
“For Pride is spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense.”
“According to Christian teachers, the essential vice, the utmost evil, is Pride… it was through Pride that the devil became the devil: Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind.”
“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”
“He shows much more of Himself to some people than to others - not because He has favorites, but because it is impossible for Him to show Himself to a man whose whole mind and character are in the wrong condition. Just as sunlight, though it has no favorites, cannot be reflected in a dusty mirror as clearly as in a clean one.”
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
Superheroes
I'm convinced that Christians are like superheroes and here's why:
1. Superheroes make an impact where ever they are, as Christians we are called to impact the World for Christ, making disciples of ALL nations, including our own! (Matthew 28:19).
2. All superheroes get their 'superhero power' from something supernatural or unusual. I think we can all agree that God is supernatural and that before people meet Christ they think everything about following him in unusual. (John 15:18-19).
3. All superheroes have a kryptonite. Even though we are in Christ we still struggle with sin and we'll continue to have to fight sin until we meet Jesus. (Romans 7:15-20)
4. All superheroes display the same 3 qualities: Compassion, Mercy and Love for people. I find it really hard to believe that you can be a Christian and not possess any one of these qualities! It should break our hearts to know that most of the people we see in a day don't know Christ. That means they will never experience real love, grace or truth! We don't deserve it but someone loved us enough to share Christ with us...we should be doing the same!!!(John 15:12-13; 1 John 4:20; Proverbs 10:12).
5. Superheroes put other people before themselves, they aren't selfish. They may have selfish moments but over all they have a very selfless character. THIS HAS NEVER BEEN ABOUT US!!!(Romans 12:10).
That's all I got right now :)
1. Superheroes make an impact where ever they are, as Christians we are called to impact the World for Christ, making disciples of ALL nations, including our own! (Matthew 28:19).
2. All superheroes get their 'superhero power' from something supernatural or unusual. I think we can all agree that God is supernatural and that before people meet Christ they think everything about following him in unusual. (John 15:18-19).
3. All superheroes have a kryptonite. Even though we are in Christ we still struggle with sin and we'll continue to have to fight sin until we meet Jesus. (Romans 7:15-20)
4. All superheroes display the same 3 qualities: Compassion, Mercy and Love for people. I find it really hard to believe that you can be a Christian and not possess any one of these qualities! It should break our hearts to know that most of the people we see in a day don't know Christ. That means they will never experience real love, grace or truth! We don't deserve it but someone loved us enough to share Christ with us...we should be doing the same!!!(John 15:12-13; 1 John 4:20; Proverbs 10:12).
5. Superheroes put other people before themselves, they aren't selfish. They may have selfish moments but over all they have a very selfless character. THIS HAS NEVER BEEN ABOUT US!!!(Romans 12:10).
That's all I got right now :)
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Pretty excited about this!
I hope you can wrap your mind around what I'm about to write because if you do it will blow your mind...well it blew mine at least.
So I'm studying Romans 8 right now and this morning I got this thought: "Grace leads to conviction then repentance; guilt leads to condemnation". I thought it was pretty sweet but I felt like it had more meaning to it, I just didn't know what it was. So about an hour ago I was thinking about and the Lord absolutely blew my mind...I was so excited I almost peed myself!
Romans 8 says "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." so when we feel condemned or guilty it's not real...it's a figment of our imaginations...it's all smoke and mirrors!!! As a Christian, when we feel condemned we are being held captive by an idea that ISN'T EVEN REAL and can never be real because in Christ there is NO condemnation!!! This really did blow my mind! I hope it blows your too!
To God be the Glory!
So I'm studying Romans 8 right now and this morning I got this thought: "Grace leads to conviction then repentance; guilt leads to condemnation". I thought it was pretty sweet but I felt like it had more meaning to it, I just didn't know what it was. So about an hour ago I was thinking about and the Lord absolutely blew my mind...I was so excited I almost peed myself!
Romans 8 says "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." so when we feel condemned or guilty it's not real...it's a figment of our imaginations...it's all smoke and mirrors!!! As a Christian, when we feel condemned we are being held captive by an idea that ISN'T EVEN REAL and can never be real because in Christ there is NO condemnation!!! This really did blow my mind! I hope it blows your too!
To God be the Glory!
Monday, September 12, 2011
Fun Quotes
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”-C.S. Lewis
“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world”-C.S. Lewis
"What we fear is what we're subject to; our fears define our master."-The Barbarian Way
"I am saying that we need to find the courage & freedom to be ourselves. We need to let ourselves become the unique individuals that God created us to be. We need to stop trying to be what everyone else wants us to be, and stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. Barbarians live as if they are naked before God, and naked before men. They have nothing to hide; they don't waste their time or energy pretending to be something they're not."-The Barbarian Way
"Having a domesticated faith is like having a tiger trapped in a cage. You are not intended to be a spiritual zoo where people can look at God in you from a safe distance."-The Barbarian Way
“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world”-C.S. Lewis
"What we fear is what we're subject to; our fears define our master."-The Barbarian Way
"I am saying that we need to find the courage & freedom to be ourselves. We need to let ourselves become the unique individuals that God created us to be. We need to stop trying to be what everyone else wants us to be, and stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. Barbarians live as if they are naked before God, and naked before men. They have nothing to hide; they don't waste their time or energy pretending to be something they're not."-The Barbarian Way
"Having a domesticated faith is like having a tiger trapped in a cage. You are not intended to be a spiritual zoo where people can look at God in you from a safe distance."-The Barbarian Way
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Things I'm learning
1. At some point my faith became tame and civilized. I'm not ok with this and I know the Lord isn't ok with this either! No one can step into the identity God has for them if they live with a tamed faith.
2. I'm not patient.
3. I have a tendency to overlook the small things the Lord does everyday.
4. I'm learning what it means to hear from God and obey what he is saying to me.
5. God has given me the Spirit of truth and I SHOULD listen to him.
6. I'm a daughter of the most High King.
7. God makes himself clear, if we can't see him then we are focused on something other than the Lord.
8. God isn't finished with me!
Read Acts 17...I pray you'll be encouraged!
To God be the Glory!
2. I'm not patient.
3. I have a tendency to overlook the small things the Lord does everyday.
4. I'm learning what it means to hear from God and obey what he is saying to me.
5. God has given me the Spirit of truth and I SHOULD listen to him.
6. I'm a daughter of the most High King.
7. God makes himself clear, if we can't see him then we are focused on something other than the Lord.
8. God isn't finished with me!
Read Acts 17...I pray you'll be encouraged!
To God be the Glory!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
I heard this the other day...
...and it was awesome!
"Doctrine doesn't save us, Jesus does!"
I think it's easy for 'mature' Christians (or those that think they are mature) to get so focused on doctrine or theology that they miss Jesus. Yes, theology and doctrine are very important but we shouldn't be like the church in Ephesus that had "forsaken" their first love (Rev. 2:4). We are not called to be experts on theology, we are called to LEARN CHRIST! If we focus on Christ the rest will automatically come ("Seek first the Kingdom of God and all things will be added to you"). God has been pressing this very heavily on my heart lately and I just figured I'd share. God is so incredibly good to a people so incredibly unworthy! To God be the Glory!
"Doctrine doesn't save us, Jesus does!"
I think it's easy for 'mature' Christians (or those that think they are mature) to get so focused on doctrine or theology that they miss Jesus. Yes, theology and doctrine are very important but we shouldn't be like the church in Ephesus that had "forsaken" their first love (Rev. 2:4). We are not called to be experts on theology, we are called to LEARN CHRIST! If we focus on Christ the rest will automatically come ("Seek first the Kingdom of God and all things will be added to you"). God has been pressing this very heavily on my heart lately and I just figured I'd share. God is so incredibly good to a people so incredibly unworthy! To God be the Glory!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
love.
God loves us so much that he sent his Son to take ALL our punishment and then gave us the Spirit so we would know how to live...we don't have to do anything but abide. Oh how quickly we get such a simple thing twisted.
Abba, Thank you for being so patient and so incredibly good to your children!
Abba, Thank you for being so patient and so incredibly good to your children!
Thursday, August 18, 2011
God's been blowing up my mind lately
I would have tweeted this but it was longer than 140 characters...
Jesus doesn't react to death, Death reacts to Jesus. If Jesus was simply a reaction to death then death would be in control but because of the cross death can do nothing in the presence of Jesus but surrender!
If I'm still experiencing death then I'm not in the presence of Jesus, something's in the way.
Jesus doesn't react to death, Death reacts to Jesus. If Jesus was simply a reaction to death then death would be in control but because of the cross death can do nothing in the presence of Jesus but surrender!
If I'm still experiencing death then I'm not in the presence of Jesus, something's in the way.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Good Song
"Salus Suas Extanderealas Concedit"
Condemned to a bed
Where you held your head
High enough to smile
I wish I had your strength
Asking God,
"Please don't take her
Away from me."
"God where were you
When I needed you the most?
She lived her life with grace
And I'll live my life with love for You."
I knew him well
He would have gave his life for me
He laid in a hallway
I found salvation perfectly
Your death was my grace
You led me back to faith
I hope he knows that he took that weight away
I hope he knows that he took my pain away
Hear my cry, Oh God
I call as my heart grows faint
Hear my cry, Oh God
I call as my heart grows faint
Hear my cry, Oh God
I call as my heart grows faint
Hear my cry, Oh God
I call as my heart grows faint
Condemned to a bed
Where you held your head
High enough to smile
I wish I had your strength
Asking God,
"Please don't take her
Away from me."
"God where were you
When I needed you the most?
She lived her life with grace
And I'll live my life with love for You."
I knew him well
He would have gave his life for me
He laid in a hallway
I found salvation perfectly
Your death was my grace
You led me back to faith
I hope he knows that he took that weight away
I hope he knows that he took my pain away
Hear my cry, Oh God
I call as my heart grows faint
Hear my cry, Oh God
I call as my heart grows faint
Hear my cry, Oh God
I call as my heart grows faint
Hear my cry, Oh God
I call as my heart grows faint
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
This may make me a bad Christian...
...but this is what I want to do to the song "I Can Only Imagine". The radio station at work plays it at least 3 times a day...I guess people have to get there Christian fix but it's costing me my sanity!!!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Pics from the Gauntlet
In one week I saw God move more then I ever have in my life!!! Thanks SO much for your prayers!!! There were things that happened that we will be reaping the benefits of for years and years! I don't have time to give a lot of details right now but I will write again soon. In the mean time here are some pics from this week!!!
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Throw em up, Throw em up
The Gauntlet starts EARLY Monday morning (3:15am) and lasts until Friday evening. For those of you who don't know what the Gauntlet is, let me explain...
NewSpring Church takes a large group of high school and middle school students to Daytona Beach, Florida for one week. During that week there will be talks, worship and time to fellowship with the other people in their room. Each room has 3 students and one room leader, the room leaders are out of high school and most are volunteers at NewSpring. I believe there are over 1,300 students and over 400 volunteers...so the leaders are completely out numbered haha.
These would be great things to pray:
Please pray that God would awaken the hearts of these students.
Pray that we would all get a deeper understanding of God's love, grace and mercy.
Pray that hundreds of students come to know Christ and that these 1,300 would go on to impact the World with the Gospel! Also, please
Pray for all of the speakers, worship leaders, and everyone on staff who have been preparing for this event for months now.
Pray that the room leaders would remember that THIS IS NOT ABOUT US!!!
Lastly, pray that this wouldn't just be a fun, emotional high for the students but that this would start a fire in them that only grows stronger as they get older.
Thanks guys!!! Your prayers really do mean a whole lot to me!!!
NewSpring Church takes a large group of high school and middle school students to Daytona Beach, Florida for one week. During that week there will be talks, worship and time to fellowship with the other people in their room. Each room has 3 students and one room leader, the room leaders are out of high school and most are volunteers at NewSpring. I believe there are over 1,300 students and over 400 volunteers...so the leaders are completely out numbered haha.
These would be great things to pray:
Please pray that God would awaken the hearts of these students.
Pray that we would all get a deeper understanding of God's love, grace and mercy.
Pray that hundreds of students come to know Christ and that these 1,300 would go on to impact the World with the Gospel! Also, please
Pray for all of the speakers, worship leaders, and everyone on staff who have been preparing for this event for months now.
Pray that the room leaders would remember that THIS IS NOT ABOUT US!!!
Lastly, pray that this wouldn't just be a fun, emotional high for the students but that this would start a fire in them that only grows stronger as they get older.
Thanks guys!!! Your prayers really do mean a whole lot to me!!!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
I can't get enough of this song
I love everything about this video! I can't stop watching it!!!
Official Music Video: "Can't Stand the Rain" by The Rescues from Colin Duffy on Vimeo.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
New Job
Some random thoughts about my new job:
1. I'm the only employee that doesn't speak fluent Korean.
2. I'm the tallest of all the employees.
3. People get crazy when it comes to their phones.
4. I like having responsibilities and sales goals.
5. I have to dress like a grown-up, I'm not sure if I like it or hate it.
6. I'm going to get a lot of chances to share the gospel.
7. I'm the only girl that works in my store.
8. I'm praying and would LOVE for you to pray too that I wont waste my time at my new job.
1. I'm the only employee that doesn't speak fluent Korean.
2. I'm the tallest of all the employees.
3. People get crazy when it comes to their phones.
4. I like having responsibilities and sales goals.
5. I have to dress like a grown-up, I'm not sure if I like it or hate it.
6. I'm going to get a lot of chances to share the gospel.
7. I'm the only girl that works in my store.
8. I'm praying and would LOVE for you to pray too that I wont waste my time at my new job.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
"For the First Time"
This has felt like my theme song lately...
She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart
While i'm drinking jack all alone in my local bar
And we don't know how we got into this mad situation
Only doing things out of frustration
Trying to make it work but man these times are hard
She needs me now but I can't seem to find a time
I've got a new job now in the unemployment line
And we don't know how we got into this mess it's a gods test
Someone help us cause we're doing our best
Trying to make it work but man these times are hard
But we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night
Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears
Even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first time
She's in line at the door with her head held high
While I just lost my job but didn't lose my flight
But we both know how we're gonna make it work when it hurts
When you pick yourself up you get kicked in the dirt
Trying to make it work but man these times are hard
But we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night
Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears
Even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first time
Drinking old cheap bottles of wine
Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears
Even after all these yearsWe just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first timeFor the first time
Oh, for the first time
Yeah, for the first time
Oh these times are hard
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby
Oh these times are hard
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby
Oh these times are hard
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby
Oh these times are hard
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby
She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart
While i'm drinking jack all alone in my local bar
And we don't know how we got into this mad situation
Only doing things out of frustration
Trying to make it work but man these times are hard
She needs me now but I can't seem to find a time
I've got a new job now in the unemployment line
And we don't know how we got into this mess it's a gods test
Someone help us cause we're doing our best
Trying to make it work but man these times are hard
But we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night
Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears
Even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first time
She's in line at the door with her head held high
While I just lost my job but didn't lose my flight
But we both know how we're gonna make it work when it hurts
When you pick yourself up you get kicked in the dirt
Trying to make it work but man these times are hard
But we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night
Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears
Even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first time
Drinking old cheap bottles of wine
Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears
Even after all these yearsWe just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first timeFor the first time
Oh, for the first time
Yeah, for the first time
Oh these times are hard
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby
Oh these times are hard
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby
Oh these times are hard
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby
Oh these times are hard
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Trashy pop songs
I've been addicted to trashy pop songs lately. haha Seriously, I love them and can't stop listening to them!!! Thanks for not judging and if you have any other trashy pop songs that you want to let me know about feel free to! :)
-E.T.-Katy Perry
-The Edge of Glory-Lady Gaga
-Blow-Kesha
-Last Friday Night-Katy Parry
-Stereo Hearts-Gym Class Heroes (feat. Adam Levine)
-I Feel Like Dancin'-All Time Low
-Tonight Tonight-Hot Chelle Rae
-E.T.-Katy Perry
-The Edge of Glory-Lady Gaga
-Blow-Kesha
-Last Friday Night-Katy Parry
-Stereo Hearts-Gym Class Heroes (feat. Adam Levine)
-I Feel Like Dancin'-All Time Low
-Tonight Tonight-Hot Chelle Rae
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Contentment
Lately I've been praying for contentment. I'm not content where I'm at, I don't want to work as a part-time retail sales associate...that doesn't really qualify as "living the dream" for me. I feel like I'm just wasting my life right now but I don't know how to fix it. Every "door" I think the Lord is opening for me gets slammed in my face so I just feel stuck. I know that I should be content where I'm at and I know that the Lord is probably trying to teach me something but I'm really tired of this shitty season. I need prayer and for God to do work on my heart or I'm going to go crazy here. I want to fight to be more like Christ but I don't feel like I have any fight left right now. Thanks for not judging my honesty.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Music is intoxicating
I LOVE Elenowen's song "The Storm"...I've listened to it over and over again!!! It's so freaking good...you should listen to it, seriously!
Friday, June 17, 2011
"Father"
"To bring this world to life
To heal this heart of mine
Your grace enough
Your grace enough
To mend this world in need
To break the chains in me
Your grace enough
Now this means love
The weight of all our sin upon His shoulders
That we should all be called
Your sons and daughters
Father
Let heaven and earth collide
In the endless wonder
Of Your love upon the cross
We will follow
And offer this life forever
To see Your love unfold
Adopted as Your own
Alive to make You known
Now this means love
This means love
For the lost and for the broken
For the slave and for the orphan
For everyone to realize Your love
From the famous to the faceless
From the beggar to the king
For everyone to realize Your love
You restore the broken hearted
You bring freedom to the captive
For one and all
Forever this means love
All Your children come together
All Your sons and all Your daughters
Your grace enough
Forever this means love
Singing
Your grace enough
Forever this means love
You gave it all
For one and all
Your grace enough
Forever this means love"
----------------------------
Lord, I need your gospel every day to rip apart the one I try to make for myself!
To heal this heart of mine
Your grace enough
Your grace enough
To mend this world in need
To break the chains in me
Your grace enough
Now this means love
The weight of all our sin upon His shoulders
That we should all be called
Your sons and daughters
Father
Let heaven and earth collide
In the endless wonder
Of Your love upon the cross
We will follow
And offer this life forever
To see Your love unfold
Adopted as Your own
Alive to make You known
Now this means love
This means love
For the lost and for the broken
For the slave and for the orphan
For everyone to realize Your love
From the famous to the faceless
From the beggar to the king
For everyone to realize Your love
You restore the broken hearted
You bring freedom to the captive
For one and all
Forever this means love
All Your children come together
All Your sons and all Your daughters
Your grace enough
Forever this means love
Singing
Your grace enough
Forever this means love
You gave it all
For one and all
Your grace enough
Forever this means love"
----------------------------
Lord, I need your gospel every day to rip apart the one I try to make for myself!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Godly men
So I've been co-leading a small group of high school girls. Tonight I took two of the girls to eat at a fast food place and while we were there two guys said horrible things to my girls. I didn't hear them at first but once I did I asked them to stop after we argued for a min they finally quit. It's been a long time since I've been that mad but I can't seem to calm down because these girls are around guys that don't care about them every single day and I hate it that those guys just made them think it was ok for that to happen! Also, there were at least 4 other guys around that heard the whole thing and none of them did anything about it! I had forgotten how much I appreciate Godly men until tonight. We need more Godly men so it makes me really excited to know that there are Godly men teaching and showing other guys how to love people like Christ!
If you are a man and you love Jesus, Thank You and you are more appreciated than you know!
If you are a man and you love Jesus, Thank You and you are more appreciated than you know!
Songs I find myself listening to a lot lately.
"Jumper"- Third Eye Blind
"Day Old Hate"-City and Colour
"All We Are"- Matt Nathanson
"Upside Down" Peter Bradley Adams
"Price Tag"-Jessie J
"Everything'll Be Alright"- Joshua Radin
"Monster"- Paramore
"Day Old Hate"-City and Colour
"All We Are"- Matt Nathanson
"Upside Down" Peter Bradley Adams
"Price Tag"-Jessie J
"Everything'll Be Alright"- Joshua Radin
"Monster"- Paramore
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
"Price Tag"
Seems like everybody's got a price,
I wonder how they sleep at night.
When the sale comes first,
And the truth comes second,
Just stop, for a minute and
Smile
Why is everybody so serious
Acting so damn mysterious
Got your shades on your eyes
And your heels so high
That you can't even have a good time
Everybody look to their left (yeah)
Everybody look to their right (ha)
Can you feel that (yeah)
We're paying with love tonight
It's not about the money, money, money
We don't need your money, money, money
We just wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag
Ain't about the (uh) Cha-Chang Cha-Chang.
Aint about the (yeah) Ba-Blang Ba-Blang
Wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag.
Okay!
We need to take it back in time,
When music made us all unite
And it wasn't low blows and video hoes,
Am I the only one getting tired
Why is everybody so obsessed
Money can't buy us happiness
Can we all slow down and enjoy right now
Guarantee we'll be feeling Alright.
Everybody look to their left (yeah)
Everybody look to their right (ha)
Can you feel that (yeah)
We're paying with love tonight
It's not about the money, money, money
We don't need your money, money, money
We just wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag
Ain't about the (uh) Cha-Chang Cha-Chang.
Aint about the (yeah) Ba-Blang Ba-Blang
Wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag.
[B.o.B]
Yeah yeah
Well, keep the price tag
And take the cash back
Just give me six strings and a half stACK.
And you can keep the cars
Leave me the garage
And all I..
Yes all I need are keys and guitars
And its with in 30 seconds I'm leaving to Mars
Yeah we leaping across these undefeatable odds
Its like this man, you can't put a price on the life
We do this for the love so we fight and sacrifice everynight
So we aint gon stumble and fall never
Waiting to see this in the sign of defeat uh uh
So we gon keep everyone moving their feet
So bring back the beat and then everyone sing
It's not about the money, money, money
We don't need your money, money, money
We just wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag
Ain't about the (uh) Cha-Chang Cha-Chang.
Aint about the (yeah) Ba-Blang Ba-Blang
Wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag.
It's not about the money, money, money
We don't need your money, money, money
We just wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag
Ain't about the (uh) Cha-Chang Cha-Chang.
Aint about the (yeah) Ba-Blang Ba-Blang
Wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag.
[Jessie J -Outro]
Yeah, yeah
Oo-oooh
Forget about the price tag.
I wonder how they sleep at night.
When the sale comes first,
And the truth comes second,
Just stop, for a minute and
Smile
Why is everybody so serious
Acting so damn mysterious
Got your shades on your eyes
And your heels so high
That you can't even have a good time
Everybody look to their left (yeah)
Everybody look to their right (ha)
Can you feel that (yeah)
We're paying with love tonight
It's not about the money, money, money
We don't need your money, money, money
We just wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag
Ain't about the (uh) Cha-Chang Cha-Chang.
Aint about the (yeah) Ba-Blang Ba-Blang
Wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag.
Okay!
We need to take it back in time,
When music made us all unite
And it wasn't low blows and video hoes,
Am I the only one getting tired
Why is everybody so obsessed
Money can't buy us happiness
Can we all slow down and enjoy right now
Guarantee we'll be feeling Alright.
Everybody look to their left (yeah)
Everybody look to their right (ha)
Can you feel that (yeah)
We're paying with love tonight
It's not about the money, money, money
We don't need your money, money, money
We just wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag
Ain't about the (uh) Cha-Chang Cha-Chang.
Aint about the (yeah) Ba-Blang Ba-Blang
Wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag.
[B.o.B]
Yeah yeah
Well, keep the price tag
And take the cash back
Just give me six strings and a half stACK.
And you can keep the cars
Leave me the garage
And all I..
Yes all I need are keys and guitars
And its with in 30 seconds I'm leaving to Mars
Yeah we leaping across these undefeatable odds
Its like this man, you can't put a price on the life
We do this for the love so we fight and sacrifice everynight
So we aint gon stumble and fall never
Waiting to see this in the sign of defeat uh uh
So we gon keep everyone moving their feet
So bring back the beat and then everyone sing
It's not about the money, money, money
We don't need your money, money, money
We just wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag
Ain't about the (uh) Cha-Chang Cha-Chang.
Aint about the (yeah) Ba-Blang Ba-Blang
Wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag.
It's not about the money, money, money
We don't need your money, money, money
We just wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag
Ain't about the (uh) Cha-Chang Cha-Chang.
Aint about the (yeah) Ba-Blang Ba-Blang
Wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag.
[Jessie J -Outro]
Yeah, yeah
Oo-oooh
Forget about the price tag.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
For You I Will Confidence
"Wondering the streets, in a world underneath it all
Nothing seems to be,
nothing tastes as sweet
As what I can't have
Like you and the way that you're twisting your hair
round your finger
Tonight I'm not afraid to tell you
What I feel about you.
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
and cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will
Forgive me if I stutter
From all of the clutter in my head
Cuz I could fall asleep in those eyes
Like a water bed
Do I seem familiar, i've crossed you in hallways
a thousand times, no more camouflage
I want to be exposed, and not be afraid to fall.
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
And cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
You always want what you can't have
But I've got to try
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will
For you I will
For you
If I could dim the lights in the mall
And create a mood I would
Shout out your name so it echos in every room
I would
That's what I'd do, That's what I'd do to get through to you
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
And cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
You always want what you can't have
But I've got to try
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will
For you I will
For you I will
Nothing seems to be,
nothing tastes as sweet
As what I can't have
Like you and the way that you're twisting your hair
round your finger
Tonight I'm not afraid to tell you
What I feel about you.
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
and cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will
Forgive me if I stutter
From all of the clutter in my head
Cuz I could fall asleep in those eyes
Like a water bed
Do I seem familiar, i've crossed you in hallways
a thousand times, no more camouflage
I want to be exposed, and not be afraid to fall.
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
And cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
You always want what you can't have
But I've got to try
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will
For you I will
For you
If I could dim the lights in the mall
And create a mood I would
Shout out your name so it echos in every room
I would
That's what I'd do, That's what I'd do to get through to you
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
And cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
You always want what you can't have
But I've got to try
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will
For you I will
For you I will
I don't know
I've really missed my old friends lately. It may sound stupid or cheesy but I really do. I'm really trying to figure out what the Lord is teaching me through all this but sometimes it's hard, really hard. Lately I've felt forgotten, maybe it's selfish, it probably is, but that's how I feel and it sucks. I know I messed up...I don't want to shift blame or get any type of sympathy but how do I make things right? That's what I keep asking...and I think God might be showing me that I can't.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Adderall
I was prescribed Adderall 3 years ago for my ADD. The truth is that I really wanted the medicine to lose weight, it was just convenient that I also was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. Trying to quit taking this has been the hardest thing I think I've ever done. It's been so easy to justify using it but I notice that the more I convince myself that it's ok the more faint God's voice gets. I've been in a place where all I could hear was my voice and it cost me more than I could have ever imagined...I don't want to do that again, I pray that by God's grace it won't.
I don't really know why I wrote this, I think more as a confession, honestly. I've never really confessed this to many people so I might as well go big or go home right?!?
God, help me to hold onto the truth that you are better.
"I hear the Savior say
Thy strength indeed is small
Child of weakness watch and pray
Find in me thine all in all
Jesus paid it all
All to him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow."
I don't really know why I wrote this, I think more as a confession, honestly. I've never really confessed this to many people so I might as well go big or go home right?!?
God, help me to hold onto the truth that you are better.
"I hear the Savior say
Thy strength indeed is small
Child of weakness watch and pray
Find in me thine all in all
Jesus paid it all
All to him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow."
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Mowing the Lawn
Today while I was mowing the lawn the Lord gave me a convicting/brilliant thought. Just to rewind a little bit, I am now co-leading a small group of 6 high school girls who attend NewSpring's youth ministry called "Fuse". There are a couple girls that seem to really want to learn more about the Lord but the rest of them don't seem that interested. Last Tuesday the lady who has been leading these girls for a while now asked me if I wanted to lead small group for this week. I felt really privileged that she asked me and I definitely accepted. Over the past few weeks I've been trying to figure out which one of these girls was going to step up and be a leader for the group...actually, I thought "Why have none of these girls stepped up yet?"
Today I was thinking about that same thing when the Lord brought some names to my mind: Moses, David and Peter. These men were incredible leaders during their time but it wasn't because they were big time leaders before God called them, they were great leaders because they allowed God to lead them. They were not special before God called them but these men didn't rely on their leadership abilities, or their sense of humor, or their athletic abilities (this is where it got convicting) they relied on the Lord...they were desperate for him.
Being a leader has very little to do with how well you lead, rather, it's mostly about how well you follow.
Today I was thinking about that same thing when the Lord brought some names to my mind: Moses, David and Peter. These men were incredible leaders during their time but it wasn't because they were big time leaders before God called them, they were great leaders because they allowed God to lead them. They were not special before God called them but these men didn't rely on their leadership abilities, or their sense of humor, or their athletic abilities (this is where it got convicting) they relied on the Lord...they were desperate for him.
Being a leader has very little to do with how well you lead, rather, it's mostly about how well you follow.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
Saturday, April 2, 2011
God be the Solution
It is not a human right
To stare not fight
While broken nations dream
Open up our eyes, so blind
That we might find
The Mercy for the need
Singing, Hey now
Fill our hearts with your compassion
Hey now
As we hold to our confession
Yeah
It is not too far a cry
To much to try
To help the least of these
Politics will not decide
If we should rise
And be your hands and feet
Singing, Hey now
Fill our hearts with your compassion
Hey Now
As we hold to our confession
Woah-oh-oh,
God be the solution
Woah-oh-oh
We will be Your hands and be Your feet.
Yeah, yeah
Higher than a circumstance
Your promise stands
Your love for all to see
Higher than protest line and dollar signs
Your love is all we need
Only You can mend the broken heart
And cause the blind to see
Erase complete the sinners past
And set the captives free
Only You can take the widows cry
And cause her heart to sing
Be a Father to the fatherless
Our Savior and our King
We will be Your hands, we will be Your feet
We will run this race
On the darkest place, we will be Your light
We will be Your light
We will be Your hands , we will be Your feet
We will run this race for the least of these
In the darkest place, we will be your light
We will be your light
We'll sing
Woah-oh-oh,
God be the solution
Woah-oh-oh
We will be Your hands and be Your feet.
Woah-oh-oh,
God be the solution
Woah-oh-oh
We will be Your hands and be Your feet.
Yeah, yeah
We will run we will run
We will run with the solution [2x]
We will be Your hands we will be Your feet
We will run this race for the least of these
In the darkest place we will be Your light
We will be Your light
We sing
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
music
"Solution"-Hillsong
"Awake My Soul"-Mumford & Sons
"Come Back Home"-Two Door Cinema Club
"Giving Up The Gun"-Vampire Weekend
"Count on Me"-Bruno Mars
"Rebels in the Roses"-Everest
"Ok, It's Alright With Me"-Eric Hutchinson
"Please Just Take These Photos from My Hands"-Snow Patrol
"Falling or Flying"-Grace Potter
"Awake My Soul"-Mumford & Sons
"Come Back Home"-Two Door Cinema Club
"Giving Up The Gun"-Vampire Weekend
"Count on Me"-Bruno Mars
"Rebels in the Roses"-Everest
"Ok, It's Alright With Me"-Eric Hutchinson
"Please Just Take These Photos from My Hands"-Snow Patrol
"Falling or Flying"-Grace Potter
Sunday, March 27, 2011
"White Blank Page"
Can you lie next to her
And give her your heart, your heart
As well as your body
And can you lie next to her
And confess your love, your love
As well as your folly
And can you kneel before the king
And say I'm clean, I'm clean
[Chorus:]
But tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart
But tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart
A white blank page and a swelling rage, rage
You did not think when you sent me to the brink, the brink
You desired my attention but denied my affections, my affections
[Chorus]
Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life
Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life
And give her your heart, your heart
As well as your body
And can you lie next to her
And confess your love, your love
As well as your folly
And can you kneel before the king
And say I'm clean, I'm clean
[Chorus:]
But tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart
But tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart
A white blank page and a swelling rage, rage
You did not think when you sent me to the brink, the brink
You desired my attention but denied my affections, my affections
[Chorus]
Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life
Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Tunes...
I Love MUSIC!!!
"Down"- Jason Walker
"Killing Me Softly"- Colbie Caillat
"Make You Feel My Love"(live)-Adele
"The Anthem"- Planetshakers
"The Scientist"- Coldplay
"Rise and Sing"- Fee
"Still Breathing"- Mayday Parade
"The Special Two"- Missy Higgins
"Think I'll Go Inside"- Joshua Radin
"Days Like This"- Kim Taylor
"As Much As You Lead"- Lex Land
"The Longer I Run"- Peter Bradley Adams
"I Hear Her Breathe"- Sent By Ravens
"Down"- Jason Walker
"Killing Me Softly"- Colbie Caillat
"Make You Feel My Love"(live)-Adele
"The Anthem"- Planetshakers
"The Scientist"- Coldplay
"Rise and Sing"- Fee
"Still Breathing"- Mayday Parade
"The Special Two"- Missy Higgins
"Think I'll Go Inside"- Joshua Radin
"Days Like This"- Kim Taylor
"As Much As You Lead"- Lex Land
"The Longer I Run"- Peter Bradley Adams
"I Hear Her Breathe"- Sent By Ravens
Monday, March 14, 2011
selfish
I'm exhausted and I really want to make today about me, but it's not...Lord, please help me to remember that everything I have is a gift! My life is not my own!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
For the Books...
This ones for the books
The broken signs of righteousness
Becoming more than looks
Becoming more than shades of grey
Becoming more than games we play
Screaming out my lovers name
Then looking to find the great escape.
I’m scared that I wont give up what I love
And that I’m less than what I’ve already become
Its easy for me to forget you’ve already won
And only by your grace that I’m able to be undone
These months have done a number on my mind
This thing called joy, I’m still trying to find
Have I become a wasted life?
But I know you’ve said “you are mine”
Cold sweats, sleepless nights
Becoming a worthless sacrifice
Each time leaving more of me
Wonder why I couldn’t stop these things…
The broken signs of righteousness
Becoming more than looks
Becoming more than shades of grey
Becoming more than games we play
Screaming out my lovers name
Then looking to find the great escape.
I’m scared that I wont give up what I love
And that I’m less than what I’ve already become
Its easy for me to forget you’ve already won
And only by your grace that I’m able to be undone
These months have done a number on my mind
This thing called joy, I’m still trying to find
Have I become a wasted life?
But I know you’ve said “you are mine”
Cold sweats, sleepless nights
Becoming a worthless sacrifice
Each time leaving more of me
Wonder why I couldn’t stop these things…
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
2-28-2011
Brianne would have turned 28 earlier today but she overdosed a little over two years ago. Brianne was my older cousin that I used to spend every day with when we were younger but as we got older we grew apart. When I was a freshman at Western I did something to hurt her and we never spoke again. When I became a Christian I tried to apologize a few times but I never received a response back from her, honestly, I thought that after some time she would get over it and we would be friends again...I was mistaken.
Brianne and I hadn't been close for years so I wasn't overcome with grief when I got the news that she had passed away, until I thought about the fact that she wasn't a Christian. My heart broke and it was a horrible feeling knowing that she never got to know Christ. I had been a Christian for two years and I never thought about sharing the gospel with her, I had never tried to share with anyone in my family. I've done some really really stupid things but not sharing Christ with my cousin still feels like the dumbest.
Earlier I thought about her mom and how she was probably heart broken today, and how she spent today alone because everyone forgot. We were all too busy being selfish to call her or visit her and she had to spend today alone. Her family forgot because we were too consumed with ourselves. I'm so embarrassed and ashamed with how selfish and sick my heart is right now.
"God, I'm so sorry that I don't see other people like you do. I don't look at them as being amazing creations, most of the time I just think about what they can do for me. My heart is beyond wicked. Please give me the courage and faith to share the gospel...not the watered down, americanized version, but the beautifully offensive gospel! I don't want to pass up opportunities to talk about you because I'm too focused on myself...I'm nothing but dust. I pray that I would think of my life as worthless if im not sharing the gospel! You have given me the chance to bring life to a dead world...please, God, don't let me waste my time worrying about worthless things like myself! I pray for Keri and her heart, Lord please give her some comfort because I know today had to be incredibly hard for her. Most of all I pray that she will become a Christian and that she will know true comfort and a peace that only you can give!"
Brianne and I hadn't been close for years so I wasn't overcome with grief when I got the news that she had passed away, until I thought about the fact that she wasn't a Christian. My heart broke and it was a horrible feeling knowing that she never got to know Christ. I had been a Christian for two years and I never thought about sharing the gospel with her, I had never tried to share with anyone in my family. I've done some really really stupid things but not sharing Christ with my cousin still feels like the dumbest.
Earlier I thought about her mom and how she was probably heart broken today, and how she spent today alone because everyone forgot. We were all too busy being selfish to call her or visit her and she had to spend today alone. Her family forgot because we were too consumed with ourselves. I'm so embarrassed and ashamed with how selfish and sick my heart is right now.
"God, I'm so sorry that I don't see other people like you do. I don't look at them as being amazing creations, most of the time I just think about what they can do for me. My heart is beyond wicked. Please give me the courage and faith to share the gospel...not the watered down, americanized version, but the beautifully offensive gospel! I don't want to pass up opportunities to talk about you because I'm too focused on myself...I'm nothing but dust. I pray that I would think of my life as worthless if im not sharing the gospel! You have given me the chance to bring life to a dead world...please, God, don't let me waste my time worrying about worthless things like myself! I pray for Keri and her heart, Lord please give her some comfort because I know today had to be incredibly hard for her. Most of all I pray that she will become a Christian and that she will know true comfort and a peace that only you can give!"
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
So Blind
Enticing words
Wanting worth
Make me feel alive
My love that kills
As the cup now spills
Ripping apart his insides
I don’t want to settle for a way
that leads away from you
And I don’t want to live
If I’m not defending truth
I’d rather die
than live another lie
and tighten up the noose
Such a slow and quiet walk
To a damned eternity
Such a beautifully wasted life
The World’s conformity
Wanting worth
Make me feel alive
My love that kills
As the cup now spills
Ripping apart his insides
I don’t want to settle for a way
that leads away from you
And I don’t want to live
If I’m not defending truth
I’d rather die
than live another lie
and tighten up the noose
Such a slow and quiet walk
To a damned eternity
Such a beautifully wasted life
The World’s conformity
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Vote for my friends please!
MY friends from the band And By Love are trying to play Cornerstone, it is a huge Christian concert, kind-of like the Warped Tour so go to this website and vote for them please!!! Thanks!
http://www.cornerstonefestival.com/newbandshowcase/AndbyLove/
http://www.cornerstonefestival.com/newbandshowcase/AndbyLove/
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Martyrs and Thieves
There's a place in the darkness that I used to cling to
It presses harsh hope against time
In the absence of martyrs there's a presence of thieves
Who only want to rob you blind
They steal away any sense of peace
Though I'm a king I'm a king on my knees
And I know they are wrong when they say I am strong
As the darkness covers me
Chorus-
So turn on the light and reveal all the glory
I am not afraid
To bare all my weakness knowing in meekness
I have a kingdom to gain
Where there is peace and love in the light, in the light
Oh I am not afraid
To let Your light shine bright in my life, in my life
Oh I am not afraid.
There are ghosts from my past who've owned more of my soul
Than I thought I had given away
They linger in closets and under my bed
And in pictures less proudly displayed
A great fool in my life I have been
Have squandered till pallid and thin
Hung my head in shame and refused to take blame
For the darkness I know I've let win
(Chorus)
Can you hear me? (repeat 6x)
Well I've never been much for the baring of soul
In the presence of any man
I'd rather keep to myself all safe and secure
In the arms of a sinner I am
Could it be that my worth should depend
By the crimson stained grace on a hand
And like a lamp on a hill Lord I pray in Your will
To reveal all of You that I can
(Chorus)
There's a place in the darkness that I used to cling to
It presses harsh hope against time...
It presses harsh hope against time
In the absence of martyrs there's a presence of thieves
Who only want to rob you blind
They steal away any sense of peace
Though I'm a king I'm a king on my knees
And I know they are wrong when they say I am strong
As the darkness covers me
Chorus-
So turn on the light and reveal all the glory
I am not afraid
To bare all my weakness knowing in meekness
I have a kingdom to gain
Where there is peace and love in the light, in the light
Oh I am not afraid
To let Your light shine bright in my life, in my life
Oh I am not afraid.
There are ghosts from my past who've owned more of my soul
Than I thought I had given away
They linger in closets and under my bed
And in pictures less proudly displayed
A great fool in my life I have been
Have squandered till pallid and thin
Hung my head in shame and refused to take blame
For the darkness I know I've let win
(Chorus)
Can you hear me? (repeat 6x)
Well I've never been much for the baring of soul
In the presence of any man
I'd rather keep to myself all safe and secure
In the arms of a sinner I am
Could it be that my worth should depend
By the crimson stained grace on a hand
And like a lamp on a hill Lord I pray in Your will
To reveal all of You that I can
(Chorus)
There's a place in the darkness that I used to cling to
It presses harsh hope against time...
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Loving some 90's right now
Some songs I've been listening to lately:
"Everything you Want"-Vertical Horizon
"The Freshman"-The Verve Pipe
"All I Want"- Toad the Wet Sprocket
"Runaway Train"- Soul Asylum
"If You Could Only See"- Tonic
"Lullaby"-Shawn Mullins
"Lightning Crashes"-Live
"Heres Where the Story Ends"-The Sundays
"Inside Out"- Eve 6
"Superman"- Five for Fighting
"Live Forever"-Oasis
"Wonderwall"-Oasis
"Iris"- Goo Goo Dolls
"Everything you Want"-Vertical Horizon
"The Freshman"-The Verve Pipe
"All I Want"- Toad the Wet Sprocket
"Runaway Train"- Soul Asylum
"If You Could Only See"- Tonic
"Lullaby"-Shawn Mullins
"Lightning Crashes"-Live
"Heres Where the Story Ends"-The Sundays
"Inside Out"- Eve 6
"Superman"- Five for Fighting
"Live Forever"-Oasis
"Wonderwall"-Oasis
"Iris"- Goo Goo Dolls
Let the bones you broke rejoice
"Let the bones you broke rejoice".
These words have never been more real to me then they have been the last few months but I confess that as God has been tearing me apart I've been doing everything but rejoicing. I see that I want to follow Christ but I want to follow him my way. I don't want to give up things that I really love (comfort, friends, status, reputation to name a few). I get myself mixed up with God because I really do think I know more and can make better decisions; even with my decision making hitting an all time low I still think that! Stupid, yes. Arrogant, definitely. Prideful, exactly.
My God is all-knowing, all-loving, almighty, merciful, Holy, wrathful and jealous to name a few qualities. The last two don't get talked about much because most people don't like those terms. God is all-loving, not all-tolerant...don't get it twisted. I'm starting to be so thankful for a God who will literally do ANYTHING to make me more like him, even if that means breaking every single part of me. I can't believe that he loves me and wants me that much...it blows my mind. I've been complaining when I should be rejoicing! This whole time God is making it so clear that he loves me but I've been blinded by selfishness.
Lord, you spend so much time on me, you provide for me and teach me and love me but I'm rarely truely thankful for it. I pray that you will keep getting me out of the way and I pray that you will keep breaking me down because I'm hopeless without you. I need you, and I want to live everyday knowing that I'm in desperate need of you! I'm so thankful that you are a jealous God and that you have promised to finish the work that you have started within me!
These words have never been more real to me then they have been the last few months but I confess that as God has been tearing me apart I've been doing everything but rejoicing. I see that I want to follow Christ but I want to follow him my way. I don't want to give up things that I really love (comfort, friends, status, reputation to name a few). I get myself mixed up with God because I really do think I know more and can make better decisions; even with my decision making hitting an all time low I still think that! Stupid, yes. Arrogant, definitely. Prideful, exactly.
My God is all-knowing, all-loving, almighty, merciful, Holy, wrathful and jealous to name a few qualities. The last two don't get talked about much because most people don't like those terms. God is all-loving, not all-tolerant...don't get it twisted. I'm starting to be so thankful for a God who will literally do ANYTHING to make me more like him, even if that means breaking every single part of me. I can't believe that he loves me and wants me that much...it blows my mind. I've been complaining when I should be rejoicing! This whole time God is making it so clear that he loves me but I've been blinded by selfishness.
Lord, you spend so much time on me, you provide for me and teach me and love me but I'm rarely truely thankful for it. I pray that you will keep getting me out of the way and I pray that you will keep breaking me down because I'm hopeless without you. I need you, and I want to live everyday knowing that I'm in desperate need of you! I'm so thankful that you are a jealous God and that you have promised to finish the work that you have started within me!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Loving this right now!
This song does a great job describing how I've been feeling. Amazing song!!!
'The Freshman'
When I was young I knew everything
She a punk who rarely ever took advice
Now I'm guilt stricken,
Sobbing with my head on the floor
Stop a baby's breath and a shoe full of rice
I can't be held responsible
She was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place
For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
My best friend took a week's
Vacation to forget her
His girl took a weeks's worth of
Valium and slept
And now he's guilt stricken sobbing with his
Head on the floor
Thinks about her now and how he never really
Wept he says..
I can't be held responsible
She was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place
For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
hey yeah
hey yeah
hey yeah
We've tried to wash our hands of all this
We never talk of our lacking relationships
And how we're guilt stricken sobbing with our
Heads on the floor
We fell through the ice when we tried not to
Slip, we'd say
I can't be held responsible
She was touching her face
And I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place
For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
We were merely freshmen
'The Freshman'
When I was young I knew everything
She a punk who rarely ever took advice
Now I'm guilt stricken,
Sobbing with my head on the floor
Stop a baby's breath and a shoe full of rice
I can't be held responsible
She was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place
For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
My best friend took a week's
Vacation to forget her
His girl took a weeks's worth of
Valium and slept
And now he's guilt stricken sobbing with his
Head on the floor
Thinks about her now and how he never really
Wept he says..
I can't be held responsible
She was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place
For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
hey yeah
hey yeah
hey yeah
We've tried to wash our hands of all this
We never talk of our lacking relationships
And how we're guilt stricken sobbing with our
Heads on the floor
We fell through the ice when we tried not to
Slip, we'd say
I can't be held responsible
She was touching her face
And I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place
For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
We were merely freshmen
Thursday, January 20, 2011
You're more
I tried to talk to you today, just as I did a few weeks before that and the week prior to that...nothing. I've not seen you in months and I feel like I don't know you at all anymore, you're different and so am I. But there are a couple things I would really like to tell you:
I'm so sorry! I was so upset that you had to leave and when you left it was like a part of me left too. I thought if I could forget about you then it would stop my heart from hurting so much. I thought I could forget about how much I missed you but two years later and I think I still miss you just as much. I didn't love you the way I should have because I cared more about how I felt then I did about how you felt. I'm so selfish and I don't know how to be a good friend but by God's grace he's teaching me. I pray that one day things will be different and I will get the chance to love you like I should have. My heart is so burdened for you, the more I pray for you the more burdened my heart becomes but I can't seem to stop...I wont. My friend, you are so much more than what you see...you're meant to change the world. I'm praying that you would believe that. I love you so very much and I always will!
1 Peter 4:1-4,
Me
I'm so sorry! I was so upset that you had to leave and when you left it was like a part of me left too. I thought if I could forget about you then it would stop my heart from hurting so much. I thought I could forget about how much I missed you but two years later and I think I still miss you just as much. I didn't love you the way I should have because I cared more about how I felt then I did about how you felt. I'm so selfish and I don't know how to be a good friend but by God's grace he's teaching me. I pray that one day things will be different and I will get the chance to love you like I should have. My heart is so burdened for you, the more I pray for you the more burdened my heart becomes but I can't seem to stop...I wont. My friend, you are so much more than what you see...you're meant to change the world. I'm praying that you would believe that. I love you so very much and I always will!
1 Peter 4:1-4,
Me
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Trains keep me up at night.
If all I have
Is all you have
Its over before it begins
If all I am
Is all we are
Im sure that we’ll never win
If everything
that I can see
is no more than my sight
then theres no use
in wondering
why Im so scared tonight
Oh…where are you now
Oh…the whispers drowning out
Oh…am I more than what I’ve found?
Because my instinct says to take you down.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
It's cool if this doesn't make complete sense to everyone.
I have had a lot of time to think today...about where I'm at mentally and spiritually. I have days that suck so bad, I become bitter and jealous and angry. Then I have days where I'm extremely sad, sad at what I let control me, sad at the fact that I still haven't really gotten the chance to be reconciled with a lot of people but most of all sad that I still care so much about what some people think, I shouldn't care. For the past five months I've been more honest then I ever imagined I would be and it has cost me a lot. But today I got to think about everything I've gained and it is still blowing me away! I now know how crappy it feels to have someone I love lie about me and to me and I see what I put so many people through...the words "I'm sorry" will never fully express how I really feel. I don't want to lie anymore...not to other people and not to myself! I see what honesty does to my relationship with Jesus and I absolutely love it!
Living in an area where I don't know anyone and I'm only working a couple hours a night has forced me to spend a lot of time with Jesus...this is something I am SO thankful for! I've laughed, cried, been in despair, been in awe, been mad and angry with him and he hasn't left, anyone else would have but he hasn't...he promises that he wont. I have such a small understanding of this but I'm astounded by it, he shouldn't still be here! It was like I strapped on some tennis shoes and did my best to run away for him and once I was too tired to run I just burried my face because I was too ashamed for him to see it. Instead of wanting grace I wanted to be punished. This is such a simple concept but I'm really learning it now...I'm never going to be punished because Jesus already was. Jesus knows how wicked my heart is, he knew that I would do really stupid stuff but he keeps finding ways to make all things work together for my good. Why? Because he IS good.
Lord, get me out of the way, whatever it takes. I need you to increase and me to decrease! Thank you for being good, the really great thing is that you have always been good and you will continue to always be good. Jesus, you astound me! Thanks for waiting on me and not saying "I told you so". You would have been totally justified in saying that but instead you kept telling me about your love...specifically, your love for really wretched people. Thanks you!
Living in an area where I don't know anyone and I'm only working a couple hours a night has forced me to spend a lot of time with Jesus...this is something I am SO thankful for! I've laughed, cried, been in despair, been in awe, been mad and angry with him and he hasn't left, anyone else would have but he hasn't...he promises that he wont. I have such a small understanding of this but I'm astounded by it, he shouldn't still be here! It was like I strapped on some tennis shoes and did my best to run away for him and once I was too tired to run I just burried my face because I was too ashamed for him to see it. Instead of wanting grace I wanted to be punished. This is such a simple concept but I'm really learning it now...I'm never going to be punished because Jesus already was. Jesus knows how wicked my heart is, he knew that I would do really stupid stuff but he keeps finding ways to make all things work together for my good. Why? Because he IS good.
Lord, get me out of the way, whatever it takes. I need you to increase and me to decrease! Thank you for being good, the really great thing is that you have always been good and you will continue to always be good. Jesus, you astound me! Thanks for waiting on me and not saying "I told you so". You would have been totally justified in saying that but instead you kept telling me about your love...specifically, your love for really wretched people. Thanks you!
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Friday, January 7, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
"The great commission says make disciples of all nations.
Have we even made them in our own nation?"-Lecrae
Christmas 2010 Opener from NewSpring Media on Vimeo.
Have we even made them in our own nation?"-Lecrae
Christmas 2010 Opener from NewSpring Media on Vimeo.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Some Lessons Learned in 2010
1. Scandals are not as fun as they seem
2. I can be a selfish ass during the moments when I should be compassionate.
3. White v-necks are the most comfortable shirts EVER!
4. I don't know as much as I think I do.
5. I want to know life from a bigger perspective than my own.
6. Crying is ok.
7. Loving people is hard.
8. I really love seeing people grow.
9. Cat Arrowood is a freaking awesome woman!
10. I would love to sing as my job.
11. Grace is so hard to understand.
12. Playing the guitar makes my heart happy.
13. God reaches us through humility or humiliation.
2. I can be a selfish ass during the moments when I should be compassionate.
3. White v-necks are the most comfortable shirts EVER!
4. I don't know as much as I think I do.
5. I want to know life from a bigger perspective than my own.
6. Crying is ok.
7. Loving people is hard.
8. I really love seeing people grow.
9. Cat Arrowood is a freaking awesome woman!
10. I would love to sing as my job.
11. Grace is so hard to understand.
12. Playing the guitar makes my heart happy.
13. God reaches us through humility or humiliation.
Another Try. Another Lie.
I BET THIS WONT WORK OUT THE WAY YOU THINK IT WILL...
...
...
...
SERIOUSLY.
...
...
...
SERIOUSLY.
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